Good grief I can't resist these ones about religion & food:

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn."
Fulton Sheen.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'."
Charlie Brown.

"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher."
Linda Evangelista.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Mariah Carey.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright.