In honor of my brother and sister in law who are about to become parents, here are some funny quotes about kids:

"I like children - fried."
WC Fields.

"Everytime a child says, 'I don't believe in fairies', there's a a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead."
JM Barrie.

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."
Bill Cosby.

"Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla."
Jim Bishop.

"When you're eight years old nothing is your business."
Lenny Bruce.

"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television."
Erma Bombeck.

"Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble."
Martin Mull.

"Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath."
Richard Zera.

"The real menace about dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old."
Jean Kerr.

"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'."
Joan Rivers.

"Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'."
Steven Wright.